I want to share something with those of you who care to read this. This isn't going to be a fun and uplifting post because quite frankly, I'm dealing with a load of garbage right now and I'm about to spill it ALL...
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Loosing weight is awesome. When it's actually happening. Or if you're like me-you loose a good amount of weight in a short amount of time and then you hit a stall that lasts two months...
It's exhausting.
Prior to my surgery there were a billion appointments I had to go to and one of them included meeting with a psychiatrist. They wanted to make sure that I had a stable home-life, had support from friends and family, and had never had any type of major body image issues. I can say that obviously I "passed" the test and off I went on my way....
Six months later-enter the major body image issues.
It started about a month ago. I find myself staring at myself in the mirror looking at my collar bones, or tightening the skin around on my arms and face to see what it will look like when/if it gets smaller. I pull at the skin on my chest and examine how much extra skin I have in my bras.
That's where it started.
A few weeks later I started to feel guilty when I ate. I'd find myself fighting my hunger pains for as long as possible so that I wouldn't "have" to eat.
I ate a small peice of ice cream cake last weekend, the guilt came shortly after and I thought to myself "Maybe I should go throw this up..."
(I DIDN'T but just the fact that I had the thought scared the crap out of me.)
When did this happen!? Who is this person that I'm becoming....
I had an appointment with my surgeon on Wednesday. He assured me that the things I'm doing are good and that I've lost more weight than he expects that his sleeve patients will loose at six months out. We talked about my eating habits and exercising and overall I'm doing pretty well-but he is concerned about the body image issues that I'm starting to have. We came up with a little plan to hopefully get this under control.
I'm meeting with a nutritionist in a few weeks to go over eating plans again, go over proper foods and get some ideas of how to make this lifestyle more "on the go" friendly.
I am also making an appointment with the psychiatrist that I met with prior to the surgery. I really need to get a grip on this. I do not like the person I'm turning into.
Lastly-I've been looking into joining a bariatric surgery support group. There have to be other people out there who are going through this or who have gone through this.
I think our upcoming wedding is also causing me added stress. I'm not keen on a lot of attention and next October when we get hitched-there will be a ton of people with all eyes on me. I'm more insecure with that idea now than I was when I was nearly 300lbs. How does that even happen?!
68.4lbs later and this is where I am at.
I knew this surgery would be a challenge but I was not prepared for this part of it.
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