Somewhere In-between

I'm somewhere in the middle.

I'm not great, but I'm not doing bad either.

I'm just surviving each day and waiting for the next one.

My previous post was hard for me to write. It's hard to come to the realization that you're juuuust a little bit crazy...or that maybe you're just having a crazy moment. I had one. Actually, I've had a couple.

But here I am today and I feel alright. The weight loss is still happening...not as fast as I'd like perhaps but it's happening none the less. I'm 10 months out and I'm down 75lbs since surgery day.

About a month ago I had a sleep study done again to see if my sleep apnea was gone and it was. AMEN! So the CPAP machine is now in its bag in the closet-just taking up space. I guess I should see what I can do with it...perhaps I can sell it? Lord knows I spent a small fortune on that miserable thing  :)

I don't go back and see the surgeon until March and I'm ok with that. He's sort of a douche bag (no really...) but on the flip side he knows what he's doing so that's a plus!

I've had quite a few people approach me lately asking me details about my surgery, and if it was "worth it". My answer to everyone is the same; Next to leaving VA...having surgery was THE BEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE. Ever. I work with a woman who also had weight loss surgery, she's had complications from the start but if you ask her if it was worth it, she will tell you the exact same thing. ABSOLUTELY.

Having WLS is not an easy decision to make, it's not an easy process to get to the OR, and healing (mentally/physically) is not easy either but what IS easy is looking at pictures of yourself before and after and thinking..."Wow, what a difference".

I was 290lbs, wore a size 24, had high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and the beginnings of diabetes when I walked into the surgeons office. Ten months later I am 217lbs and wearing a 14/16 (and some 16's are getting too big!!), no sleep apnea, no high blood pressure, I am anemic now but that's nothing that some fuzzy socks and a blanket can't help...I am able to get off the couch in one motion, I can bend over and tie my shoes, you can see where my boobs/stomach begin and end, I have a waist and much to my surprise I even have a collar bone!! (haha)

So, hell yes it was worth it!!!

March, May, December

Get Off The Scale

I came across this tonight and thought it was a must share!

 

I think I need to look into this book...some pretty good advice here!

 

“Get Off The Scale!

You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance.

Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life.

It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

This is intense, but so is this post.

I want to share something with those of you who care to read this. This isn't going to be a fun and uplifting post because quite frankly, I'm dealing with a load of garbage right now and I'm about to spill it ALL...

 

********************************************************************************

 

Loosing weight is awesome. When it's actually happening. Or if you're like me-you loose a good amount of weight in a short amount of time and then you hit a stall that lasts two months...

 

It's exhausting.

 

Prior to my surgery there were a billion appointments I had to go to and one of them included meeting with a psychiatrist. They wanted to make sure that I had a stable home-life, had support from friends and family, and had never had any type of major body image issues. I can say that obviously I "passed" the test and off I went on my way....

 

Six months later-enter the major body image issues.

 

It started about a month ago. I find myself staring at myself in the mirror looking at my collar bones, or tightening the skin around on my arms and face to see what it will look like when/if it gets smaller. I pull at the skin on my chest and examine how much extra skin I have in my bras.

 

That's where it started.

 

A few weeks later I started to feel guilty when I ate. I'd find myself fighting my hunger pains for as long as possible so that I wouldn't "have" to eat.

 

I ate a small peice of ice cream cake last weekend, the guilt came shortly after and I thought to myself "Maybe I should go throw this up..."

(I DIDN'T but just the fact that I had the thought scared the crap out of me.)

 

When did this happen!? Who is this person that I'm becoming....

 

I had an appointment with my surgeon on Wednesday. He assured me that the things I'm doing are good and that I've lost more weight than he expects that his sleeve patients will loose at six months out. We talked about my eating habits and exercising and overall I'm doing pretty well-but he is concerned about the body image issues that I'm starting to have. We came up with a little plan to hopefully get this under control.

 

I'm meeting with a nutritionist in a few weeks to go over eating plans again, go over proper foods and get some ideas of how to make this lifestyle more "on the go" friendly.

 

I am also making an appointment with the psychiatrist that I met with prior to the surgery. I really need to get a grip on this. I do not like the person I'm turning into.

 

Lastly-I've been looking into joining a bariatric surgery support group. There have to be other people out there who are going through this or who have gone through this.

 

I think our upcoming wedding is also causing me added stress. I'm not keen on a lot of attention and next October when we get hitched-there will be a ton of people with all eyes on me. I'm more insecure with that idea now than I was when I was nearly 300lbs. How does that even happen?!

 

68.4lbs later and this is where I am at.

 

I knew this surgery would be a challenge but I was not prepared for this part of it.

 

 

 

 

Like a Glove

 

I stood in a dressing room and cried today.

 

For the first time in nine years I tried on a pair of jeans that were a size 14 and they fit. Perfectly.

 

Six and a half months ago I wore a size 24.

 

Today was absolutely amazing.

 

March 1, 2012 I thought I was making one of the best decisions of my life. Today just reaffirmed that.

 

 

Challenge Me!

We're a little over 100 days away from Christmas. By Christmas day my goal is to be in "one-derland". I want the scale to read 199lbs or less. That means I have slightly more than 100 days to drop 30lbs. I can do this. I WILL do this.

 

Life has gotten in the way of the healthy things I should be eating. Being "on-the-go" as much as we are some old habits have come back. I worked too hard and went through too much to fail at this weight loss. I've lost track and stayed the exact same weight for the past 2 months almost.  65 pounds is a lot- but it's not where I pictured myself to be six months after surgery. It's time to get serious! I have to be in a wedding dress in 13 months and I want to feel confident and beautiful and all of the wonderful things a bride is supposed to feel-not worrying about how I look!

 

The elliptical and I have become pretty good friends lately and I still plan to keep that trend going. I just need to start watching the protein and carbs again so that it can all work together to allow me to drop the weight. Protein shakes here I come!

 

So here's to getting back on track and reaching my goal..."one-derland" here I come!

 

(ps....I appreciate and LOVE all of my cheerleaders! You guys are amazing!!)

 

The Big Question...

In June, Jason & I took a much needed trip and spent a weekend in Atlanta. We did some sight seeing, went to a Braves game, went to the aquarium, checked out Centennial Olympic Park and even GOT ENGAGED! :) After 4 and a half years, a house and a dog....we're finally going to be "official"! He did a great job picking out the ring and I am so excited to become Mrs. Jolly!

MIA

I've been terrible about keeping up with my blog! Things have been so busy and Jason & I have had very little down time!

First thing to update-the weight loss!...or should I say....the weight plateau?! ;) I finally hit the 65lb mark and I've sort of stayed the same over the past month or so....I'll loose 3lbs and gain 4....then loose 4 and gain 2 back....it's been interesting to watch the scale and even a little irritating at times. My body was going through such a dramatic change very quickly that I got spoiled and then when it slowed down it was sort of shocking. But it's normal, my doctors told me that this would happen. Now it's up to me to make sure that I'm following my diet and getting exercise to help keep the weight loss going.

I can still pretty much eat whatever I want. The two things that I try to keep away from are rice and ground beef. Obviously the rice is bad because it expands when it gets into your tummy-so two bites and I'm stuffed! Ground beef also sits very heavy on my stomach. I'm not sure if its the grease or what, but something about it does not agree with me and it makes me feel very sluggish. Other than that though, I really am able to eat anything I want. My portions have also increased as I guess my new stomach stretches out over time. I certainly can't eat anywhere close to where I could before surgery but it is a lot more than I could eat at two months out. The first time I noticed that I had eaten a lot more than usual I got a little worried....."Is my stomach stretched out too far?"..."Should I really be able to eat all of this?".....but again...it's normal. Just a thing that happens with time! :)

I've also started working out on a regular basis and I think that I'm trading fat for muscle which might also be a reason why the scale isn't really moving. I still notice that my clothes are getting bigger even though the scale hasn't moved very much. It's very hard to stay motivated with the exercising after a long day at work but I know that if I don't do it I might not loose much more weight and I'm not ok with that. I have at least another 50lbs I want to loose before I'm happy with where I'm at. It's gonna take time and I know it wont happen over night but I have to keep my eye on the prize-even if it means talking myself through my workouts on the elliptical...(I'm not even lying...I have to talk myself through each work out so that I don't quit-pathetic I know-but at least I keep going!!)

I can't even believe that September 1st it will have been 6 months since my surgery! Where has the time gone?

Here are a few recent pictures:

I have plenty more to update you all with so be looking for another post from me soon! :)

Where did May go?

What a busy, crazy, exciting, and fun few weeks it's been! Life is GOOD...hands down, happiest I've been in a very long time.

We have had so much going on lately but it's been a fun ride!

Dad came to visit for a few weeks!

Riley came over and had a sleep over at Auntie Sara & Uncle Jason's house!



We had baby shower's for Heather & baby Figueroa!

The Very Hungry Caterpillar in Holly Springs!

Noah's Ark in High Point



I took a trip to spend Memorial Day weekend in VA Beach and had a fabulous time! I've really missed my girls! Can't wait to go back in July! :)

My favorite place-Chicks Beach!

The drink of the weekend-Lime a ritas!

So far into June we've been pretty busy but things are definitely slowing down a little and we are very thankful. We have a lot of little projects going on around the house that need to get finished so we're looking forward to taking care of all that and having things put back in order around here. We are sneaking off in a few weeks and taking a weekend trip to Atlanta. Jason & I have never gone away anywhere alone-can you believe that in almost 5 years of being together we've never had a weekend away by ourselves?! Well, we're fixin to change that! We found a great deal on Hotels.com for a room at a really nice hotel downtown that is within walking distance to everything we want to do. We're going to a Braves/Orioles game, probably go visit the aquarium and check out Centennial Park. I've heard fabulous things about the aquarium so we're pretty excited about that! It will be so nice to get away and spend some quality time with each other! :)

Jason just recently took a trip to Charlotte for the Coca-Cola 600 Nascar race. His company sent him down there as a representative for their sports travel division...sort of as a tour guide/rep for the company he works for. He said it was a lot of work but he had a great time. Just one of the perks of his job. He also just had his year anniversary with the company. He got an awesome promotion a few months ago and theres a lot of potential growth with the company and what makes it even better is that Jason is really enjoying his job. He's good at what he does and I really see him going places with it! I'm proud of my guy!! :)

We hope that everyone is enjoying their summer so far and we are really looking forward to making memories, meeting babies, and seeing best friends get married! I have a feeling it's going to be a fantastic ride!



The Faces of Me

Tomorrow-June 1st, marks my 3 month anniversary since surgery....and I am 54lbs lighter than where I started!

So far things have been pretty quiet and I've been lucky-no major problems, only a few minor bumps along the way. I am still trying to adjust to the types of food I can eat and I'm learning what sits well and what doesn't. For example, a friend of mine made an amazing salad a couple of weeks ago....spinach, strawberries, feta cheese and an awesome raspberry vinaigrette...I was determined to make it myself! I went and got all the ingredients and ended up eating it three days in a row. That was a MAJOR "no-no". I guess my new little tummy couldn't break down the spinach good enough and it caused some of the worst gas pains I've ever had. It took almost two days to feel "normal" again after that. So, no more spinach for me!

Another issue I've had is my hair starting to fall out. I read all these horror stories before I had surgery of people loosing their hair, having bald spots, hair never growing back, etc....and I thought to myself..."Nah, that won't happen to me" HA! I was wrong! Now, don't get me wrong, I don't have any big bald spots but the amount of hair that I'm loosing on a daily basis is sickening and enough to make me panic. I can feel how thin my hair is getting and I am constantly cleaning hair off of everything....My doctor says its normal, and I'm sure it is, but that still doesn't mean that I have to like it! He gave me some tips...like upping my multivitamin, start taking Biotin (which is the main ingredient in hair, skin and nail vitamins), limit the amount of washing/brushing I'm doing and make an effort to not mess with my hair if I can help it. I know it will stop eventually, I just hope it's sooner rather than later....I would not be very pretty if I were bald, ya know! ;)

I remember my doctor telling me that there was going to come a time when my mind had to catch up to my body. Well that time has come! This past weekend while I was in VA of  friends and I took some pictures together. I got home and looked through the pictures and I had a few moments of panic...I feel as if I look sickly, like my face is too thin, that I don't look like myself....This must be what he was talking about. I don't feel as if the person I'm looking at  is the person I've always known. Sure, I feel better about myself, but when I look at these pictures, I feel like I look sick...like I don't look "right".

Here's a picture of me from October 2011-
(Look how little my muffin was too!! lol)

And here's one from this past weekend-



A few weeks ago I had my last visit with my surgeon until the end of September. He praised my progress and actually asked me if at my year mark I'd want to be used for some marketing for the office! How cool is that?! :) He said that I am the only gastric sleeve patient that he's ever had that's had such a rapid and healthy weight loss in such a short amount of time. He said if I keep up, I'll end up being around 140-150lbs by next summer! I thought that was pretty neat! I mean, sure I have to stay on top of my diet and make sure I'm following the guidelines but otherwise, it's happening with minimal effort on my part.

With time I will get used to it and I think a lot of it right now is just the initial shock of really seeing myself as being smaller....It's been a long time since I've been this size and even though I still have a long way to go before I'm where I want to be...I'm a lot closer than I was February 29th! :)

The Battles

Today marks the 2 month anniversary of my surgery....a total of 10 weeks of weight loss.

46lbs lost...7 inches in my waist gone, 4 inches in my bust and 3 inches in my neck! Another 40lbs and I will be at the weight I was when I was 17 (Yes, if you do the math I was a little over 10lbs away from weighing 300lbs prior to surgery).

I feel wonderful and have had a very easy time with everything. My doctors are pleased with my results and are very encouraging. I had an appointment a few weeks ago and one of the things we talked about was how much I've lost in such a short amount of time. Will (my Dr's PA) said that the amount of weight that I've lost is consistent with someone who's had gastric bypass-which is considered to be more evasive than the gastric sleeve that I had....which produces faster weight loss. He said that it's not a bad thing by any means and that if I keep it up, there's no telling how much weight I'll loose. That made me feel great! It's nice to have encouraging appointments verses appointments where you get fussed at! ;)

So here I am, almost 50lbs lighter....doing great....feeling wonderful....but yet I STILL have major battles to fight....

One of the biggest problems for me at the moment is finding clothes that fit!! People say "Oh, it's a good problem to have"....sure in one sense it is but on the other hand it's a major annoyance. I spent years growing out of my clothes because all I was doing was getting bigger...and now that I'm getting smaller I still have to deal with not being able to find clothes that fit. So, for example...right now, I have one pair of jean capri's that I've been wearing and two pairs of black work pants. As of this last week, the capri's will no longer stay up and I'm constantly pulling on them and my both pairs of my black pants are so big that the crotch hangs down to almost my knees unless I jack them up really high on my waist. It's EXTREMELY annoying and it drives me insane! So, most people would say...."Well, go buy some new pants"....ohh if only it were that easy! I carry most...if not all my excess weight in my stomach...always have...and it seems to run in my family like that. So the problem I have is if it fits me in the waist it HANGS off my thighs/butt. But if it's tight through the thighs/butt it's too small in the waist! I've given thoughts to buying maternity pants since they have the stretch part in the waist and are typically pretty small through the butt/thigh area but I can't seem to find any that don't have that huge panel in the front (ya'll know what I'm talking about! lol)

Another part to this is the financial side. Who's got money to spend on clothes every few weeks? I sure as heck don't! I have saved some things over the years that I used to be able to fit in but I've noticed that my "style" has changed quite a bit. Five years ago I might buy something to wear out to a bar....nowadays the closest I get to a bar is going out to dinner at a restaurant that happens to have a bar in it-lol! Just not appropriate for the lifestyle I live now so most of that has been donated. I've tried the local thrift stores but the issue I explained above seems to haunt me no matter where I go and I can't find anything that fits right. I think with the next 20lbs or so I will have a little easier time because I should hopefully loose a lot more of my "gut"....I just wish it'd hurry up because I can't stand this for much longer!

Here's another battle-attention!....There's been a LOT of attention focused on me lately and I'm not really used to it. When I came back to work after being out for two weeks every person in my office (about 10 people) was standing around just looking at me. Of course, it was all positive and people were very sweet but it's strange....

The year or two prior to my surgery I was in such a funk, I passed on events because I was ashamed of what I looked like (Jason's 10 year reunion, a friends wedding, even my Grandmother's funeral service), I was uncomfortable around my siblings because I thought I was the "ugly fat one". I wasn't worried that people would say things TO me but I was worried that people would say things ABOUT me....or that people would look at Jason and think..."Wow, he could've done better". These were all issues that I had within myself....and no matter what anyone said, I still felt ugly and ashamed. Now that I've lost some weight I'm starting to come to grips with a lot of that and I feel better about myself. But for so long I did so much to not bring attention to myself that now it's hard to deal with everyone doting over me. I must say, I have a coworker who had gastric bypass done last fall and she looks AMAZING and I say stuff to her a lot about how great she looks-so I'm guilty too! I know it's all out of excitement for me and encouragement but it's still hard to come to terms with.

The last battle that I want to write about is support. I have been extremely blessed with a plethera of people in my life who are my biggest cheerleaders. Friends, family members and coworkers have all been a wonderful support system for me and I am very thankful for each and every one of you that have been there and continue to be there for me throughout this journey!! Jason has been my rock and for him I am so thankful!

There have also been a handful of people that have not been very supportive. People who are rude when my weight loss has come up, or those that feel as if I "cheated". I won't point out names but there are a few of you who I know are reading this that have said negative and/or rude things to me. I just want to remind people that my decision to do this was MY OWN and if you don't like it, well, the issue is with you and not me. Having this surgery was one of the best decisions I ever made-next to moving to NC probably THE best decision I have ever made. I am happy and I feel better than I have in a long time....and if you're my friend(s)....shouldn't you be happy for me too?

I'm going to try to get a little better about posting updates. I feel the need to write sometimes and I think, oh! That'd be great for my blog...but then life takes over and I completely forget! The next two months or so are going to be extremely busy-baby showers, graduations, birthdays and visits out of town but we're ready! Bring on the craziness! :)

Pic-a-tures and a quick update!!

Well, as of last week I have lost 40lbs. I had my 6-week post op appointment and my doctor says that I've done really well and he is very pleased with my weight loss.

I'll go three days and not loose a pound...sometimes even gain a pound or two...and then the next day I've lost three pounds. It's really quite crazy and doesn't make any sense but hey-whatever-I'll take it! :) I feel wonderful and have so much more energy than I used to. I am loving life!!

Eating is enjoyable again and I'm eating just about anything I want-the difference?....I'm only eating a fraction of what I used to. Pinterest has been a WONDERFUL resource for new recipies. My taste buds have changed and I'm trying different foods that I used to snub my nose at. I'm still somewhat picky but I'm slowly expanding my horizons.

Breakfast-9-10am
1 egg scrambled
1-2 slices of bacon or turkey bacon
 or
1 packet of low sugar maple oatmeal

Snack-11-12pm
Fruit cup
String cheese

Lunch-2-3pm
1/2 Turkey and cheese sandwhich in a low carb wrap
String Cheese
Pork Rinds
or
1 Roasted chicken thigh
Small serving of veggies (peas, carrots green beans)

Snack-4-5pm
Pork rinds
String cheese
Protein shake

Dinner-7-8pm
Zuchinni lasagna (FABULOUS recipe I found on pinterest Go Here!)
or
3-4 oz's Grilled chicken
Peas or lima beans

Snack-10-11pm
Slice of sharp cheddar cheese
1/4 cup of Ben & Jerry's Greek Frozen Yogurt (this stuff is to die for!!)


It really looks like I eat all the time! Or at least I feel like I'm eating all the time! But not having much of a stomach to hold food I guess causes me to get full fast but hungry more often. I thought I was maybe doing something wrong but according to the doctor I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing.

I went to Walmart today and bought the "Shake Weight". My doctor told me that it's one of the best things to use to tone up your arms/shoulders so I'm gonna give it a go! I always thought it was a crazy idea but I'm excited to see if it works.


I'm ready to shake my way to firm & fabulous arms and shoulders in just 6 minutes a day!!

I'll close with a couple of recent pictures. The change in my face and mid section is amazing to me. I still have a long way to go but I'm gettin there! :)



Jason & I on Easter

Me with my Sisters on Easter!

New cut/color!

Shut the Front Door!

Quick post tonight but I need to do it so that I can keep track of stuff! This past week I've had quite a bit of things happen that deserve remembering! :)

So here we go...

As of Thursday, I have lost an inch 1 and a half in my neck, 4 inches in my bust and 4 inches in my waist.

As of Sunday, April 1st (exactly one month after surgery) I have lost 35lbs :)

Sunday I went to Belk to find something nice to wear to work. Most everything I have is either too big, falling apart, or too small so I'm having to do some shopping. For the first time in 6 years (at least) I was unable to shop in the plus size section. The smallest size they carried in their shirts was too big. I'm not sure I can explain to you all how wonderful and amazing this felt. I sat there in the dressing room with tears in my eyes as I realized a 1x was too big. I was able to find a few tops in the regular women's section that fit well and I felt good in them. It was a major milestone for me! Makes me appreciate what I've done that much more...it's working....not just numbers on the scale, or thoughts that maaaybe my face is thinning out. It is real and it is happening right before my eyes!

I still have a LONG way to go but I am eager and willing to do whatever it takes! :)

Going to try to get some pictures taken this weekend to show my progress and I'll be sure to post them!

Introducing.....Tracy!!

After 6 years and 110,000 miles I have retired my Isuzu. It's 11 years old, has 186,000 miles and was costing me an arm and a leg in repairs and for gas. I was averaging about 15mpg and spending $110-$150/week on gas just to get to work....not to mention the radiator going out, the starter, the alternator, the brakes, the tires, etc

Originally I was looking into a small SUV.....Ford Escape, Kia Sportage, etc then gas prices started to rise which got me thinking that maybe I need to be looking into other vehicles that are better on gas.

I did some research and found that the Hyundai Sonata was rated high in gas mileage, affordablitly, safety and came with a ton of standard features. After a few trips to two dealerships and five test drives later....I was HOOKED. I have a 2012 Hyundai Sonata SE Turbo.

It's stylish, beautiful, smooth and SO much fun to drive.

Originally I was looking at a used Sonata but the price difference in the used vs new was so little that it just made sense to buy the new one. I paid $4,000 less than blue book value, I was able to negotiate a free window tint and I got the full 10yr 100,000 mile Hyundai warranty.

It's the first new thing I've ever had in my life. The odometer read 9 miles when I drove it off the lot. It's the 5th car I've owned and undoubtedly the nicest!
So, her name...Tracy.....let me give you a little background....

One of my good friends and I used to joke that we had our inner "fat girl" and they each had a name.....mine was Tracy. So over the years it just sort of became an on-going joke. I was trying to figure out what to name her and my brother actually came up with calling her Tracy. Here's why: Since having the surgery it's safe to say that my inner fat girl is gone....the cravings that "Tracy" had from time to time are gone, Tracy's ability to eat an entire meal is gone and she has exited the building!! She's been REPLACED by a great car that I love!!! :)

I'm Still Here!

....Okay okay I'm sorry! I fell off for a little bit! As soon as surgery was over life went into over-drive but things are starting to calm down a little bit....starting to....

I am 25 days post op and 33 days since I started the preop diet. I have lost a total of 32lbs, 1.5 inches in my neck, 3 inches in my waist and 3.5 inches in my bust.  To say that I am thrilled would be an understatement!

I never took any "before" pictures but I took these after loosing 25lbs.I will have to use these as my reference point as I continue to loose more.



My recovery was SO easy! I have felt great 99% of the time and I am learning what my body likes and dislikes. It's amazing what my body has gone through in just a few short weeks but I am adjusting well and me and my new belly are really getting along great! I've learned to listen to my body and I know when to stop, it's a wonderful feeling to have complete control again!

A typical day with my "new" stomach:

Breakfast

1 egg scrambled

1/2 piece of turkey bacon

Lunch

1/2 Turkey Burger (just the patty) w/cheese

1 oz green peas

or

1oz turkey lunch meat

1 string cheese

Snack

Bariatric Fusion Protein Shake

Dinner

1-2oz grilled chicken breast

1-2 grilled jalepenos

This is one of my recipies I found online during my "mushy" phase I was in

Ricotta cheese, w/plain pasta sauce, covered in mozerella cheese. It was actually REALLY good!

All through out the day I am drinking water. I have two 24oz Turvis tumblers-one at work and one at home and I try to constantly have them filled with ice water. I've found the only way I'll actually drink it is if its slammed full of ice....but hey, whatever works right? :) 

One of the biggest challenges I had during the first few weeks was making time to eat. May sound strange but as I am out trying to take care of life I would be gone from home for 3-4 hours at a time and in the middle of it I would realize that I was starving. The first few weeks my food options were extremely limited.....not many places carry sugar free pudding, applesauce and tomato soup. But now that I'm farther out I have a much easier time. It's all about making the right choices! Did you know that Chick-fli-a has a grilled chicken nugget kids meal that is only 160 calories (6 grilled nuggets, a small fruit cup and water), 25grams of protein, and 4grams of carbs...and that's two meals for me! It's a little high in sodium so it's def not something to eat a lot of but it's a great "go-to" when I'm on the road.

My next step is to start getting some major fitness goin'! The doc has told me to get moving, so that's what I am gonna do!

I am slowly but surely running out of clothes that fit and finding clothes that have been buried deep in my closets that are starting to fit again! It's good to have some things that fit still but it's not going to be long before I'm out of clothes to wear...especially with the summer approaching very quickly. Luckily my Mom helped me scope out a really nice thrift store in Raleigh, I will be hitting it up very soon....no sense in spending a ton of money on clothes that will hopefully be too big in a few months! :)

Who knew this was going to be so easy?! :)

Update!

Well, I'm home now and resting up. Figured I'd blog a little about my experience.
Originally I was scheduled for 9:45am arrival and a surgery time of 11:45am. The doctors office called me Wednesday evening and asked me to come in later. So I had to be at the hospital at 11am and my surgery was at 1pm. I checked in and sat around with Dana, Mom & Jason for a little while before I was called to the back to get prepped and ready.

The nurse took my vitals, had me change into a gown, started my IV, gave me the sedative I had asked for (which didn't even end up working for me) and then I was taken to another part of the hospital to wait for it to be my turn. I met with my Dr. briefly and spoke to a few more nurses and about 1:30ish they came to get me...it was time! At that point I got really emotional and was very scared. I hugged everyone and was wheeled into the main OR. I had never been in an OR before so it was a really scary experience. It was really cold, there were people everywhere, very bright, machines and equipment everywhere...pretty intimidating to say the least!

I had a nurse on my right side and the anesthesiologist on my left. She was talking to me and next thing you know, I woke up in the recovery room! Who knew it would be that easy! :) I was in the recovery room for about 3 hours since they did not have an open room for me yet. I didn't care much because I was being pumped full of meds to keep me from being nauseous and they made me really sleepy. Apparently, Mom, Jason & Dana were getting antsy...which I can't blame them! That's a long time to just wait around!

I finally got in my room and I don't remember a whole lot after that. Thursday night was pretty much a blur. Everyone eventually went home and I was left to sleep. I was woken up quite a few times over the night by the nurses and that was some what annoying but I guess that's how it goes.

Friday morning I woke up feeling like a new person. I was in some pain but not nearly as out of it as I was the day before. I had to go get an upper GI test done to make sure that my new stomach was how it should be and those results came back fine. The Dr. came in about 12-1pm and told me that he was going to send me home since I was doing so well.

Around 2ish I got my first bit of water and "food". Crystal Light lemonade, vegetable broth, and jello. I drank 4oz's of water and two spoonfuls of the broth and I thought I was going to get sick. It was amazing how fast my stomach filled up and I didn't even notice until it was too late. To put it lightly, it SUCKED and I was miserable for a few hours.

I waited for Jason to get off work at 10pm last night to bring me home. I didn't want to have to deal with Toby by myself if someone else had brought me home. (Love my puppy but he's a little much for me to deal with while being under the weather.) We made it home about midnight last night and I had never been so happy to see my own bed!

So now, here I am at home trying to get adjusted to this new stomach of mine. I haven't been able to eat much of anything and I'm trying to stay focused on drinking the fluids I need to drink so I stay hydrated. I've tried chicken/beef and vegetable broth and all of them taste like dirt. It's going to be a long week until I can have something other than broth, jello and water...but it's for the best I suppose.

Thanks to everyone who came to visit me, called/emailed/texted/prayed, etc. It means so much to me that I have wonderful people like YOU in my life to help me get through this!! :)

It's Time!

Surgery day is here!

This entire process from start to finish has been very time consuming, emotionally draining, exciting, fantastic, expensive and EVERYTHING else in between! I've spent a lot of time working towards this day and I'm very excited for what is to come.

I wish I could predict the future and I wish I knew exactly what was in store for me as life goes on after tomorrow. I'm eager to see where my life is in a year from now and what I'll look like....I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope for a MAJOR change. I'm looking forward to it and I'm totally up for the challenge!

The doctors office called me this evening to change the time of the procedure but otherwise all is still well and I'm ready to go! My bags are packed and all I have left to do is to take some "before" pictures when Jason gets home from work tonight. Otherwise, all that I have to do is show up at the hospital tomorrow!

I'll have my phone with me and be sure to get online to update everyone as I can. If you want an update feel free to get in touch with Jason, my Mom or Dana since all of them will be there on Thursday. (If you need their numbers, email me tonight!!)

As far as I know, I'll be in the hospital until Saturday sometime. They said I *might* get lucky and get to come home on Friday but more than likely I'll be there till Saturday.

If anyone wants the hospital information:
Rex Hospital
4420 Lake Boone Trail
Raleigh, NC 27607
919-784-3100

One thing I want to mention is that I am feeling very much loved right now. I've gotten a ton of phone calls, text messages, and Facebook posts wishing me luck and offering prayers. It means so much to me to know that all of my friends and family are behind me 100%! Thank you all SO much!!!

Here's to new beginnings!! :)

Pre-op!

Friday I had my pre-op appointment at Rex.

I met with someone in registration and got all of my paperwork filled out instead of having to do it on Thursday morning. I was not expecting to take care of all of it when I went but I'm glad that it's done and I don't have to deal with it.

Once I took care of all that I met with a nurse who went over my medical history and asked me what felt like a million questions. I was able to ask her questions and she went over the process of what was going to happen on Thursday when I went in. I had some labs drawn up and then I got to meet the anesthesiologist.

She was wonderful! She went over my medical history again and answered all of my questions. We talked a little bit about the fear and anxiety that I'm having and she really made me feel better about the whole process. She assured me that they know what they are doing (not that I ever doubted their abilities) and that they are the "best drug dealers around". (Her words! lol)

I left Rex with a lot more peace than I had when I walked in. I am still very anxious about it and a little frightened by the unknown but I have faith that I will be just fine!! :)

I will be admited for at least one night but more than likely it'll be two nights that I'm there. Saturday I'll be discharged home and will be taking it easy. Jason is off on Thursday and Saturday and will be around to help with anything that I need and I think my Sister Ariel will be around as well on Saturday so I should be good to go!

Now I just have to make it through the next two and a half days!!! C'mon time, hurry up!!!

The Countdown is ON!

Surgery is in 7 days!!

I can't even believe it's already here!

This has been a pretty long process to get to this point and it's so nice to have it all coming to an end! I feel like the hard part is almost over and the fun, exciting part is about to start!

As of Tuesday I've been on my pre-op liver shrinking diet. Let me explain to you a little bit about this diet. Typically people who are overweight are going to have an enlarged or "fatty" liver. The liver can get in the way when the doctors go in to do their thing. So, it's my job to shrink it before the surgery. I'm drinking 2-3 protein shakes a day to replace my meals and eating only foods high in protein and low in carbs/fat/calories.

The protein shakes are really pretty good! The only issue that I have with them is that they will fill me up for an hour or so and then I'm hungry again. We have three different flavors, orange cream, chocolate mint ice cream, and french vanilla. My favorite is the chocolate mint and Jason is quite partial to the orange (Did I mention how awesome my bf is for doing this with me!?).

This is what I take to work with me

By the time the end of the day approached on Tuesday I was feeling really dizzy, nauseous, and my head was killing me so I decided that the next day I was going to at least eat something during the day because the shakes alone were not gonna cut it. I was told by my doctor that I could have small portions of chicken and veggies for dinner while on this diet. So the second day I took a little tiny piece of chicken and some veggies to eat for lunch and it worked wonders. I wasn't feeling bad so clearly that little bit of food helped me out and I didn't feel guilty like I was eating something "bad".

 

This was my saving grace!

All ready to go!

I also bought a new scale yesterday! We had one that Jason brought with him when we moved in together. It was old, dirty and off by 4-5lbs with no way to adjust it. I had never bought a scale before so I had no clue what to expect to spend...much to my surprise I was able to get one for right around $30. It's quite fancy-it will save the last 12 weigh ins for up to 4 people which is awesome!....It's the simple things in life....

(Check out the new floor, but ignore the lack of trim, we're workin on it!)

Last week I got the approval for FMLA from my HR department. So thankfully I have 12 weeks of job security if for some reason I have any complications and have to be out of work. Right now I've scheduled myself out of work for a little over two weeks but I'm hoping that I'll be able to go back after a week and a half but we'll see. Having the FMLA approval helps ease my mind a bit that I can take the time off that I need to get healed and still have a job to go back to!

Tomorrow is my pre-op appointment with the anesthesiologist at Rex and I should get the final details of everything that'll take place next week when I go in. This is really my official LAST appointment before surgery! FINALLY! (haha)

6 more days!!!

Something to Share

I've been thinking about posting this post for some time now and it's taken me a long time to get all of my thoughts together so, bear with me a little bit. :)

I want to share some things with the world about being over-weight/fat/fluffy/obese/thick, etc...

There are so many misconceptions that people have about those of us who are over-weight...."surely you're just lazy",  "of course you don't take care of yourself", "fat people smell bad", "you must have emotional problems and you eat to make yourself feel better", and my most recent favorite..."You're having weight loss surgery to take the easy way out".....Who comes up with this stuff??  Well, if you're overweight I'm sure at some point someone has said one of these things to you.

My entire life I've had these things said to me or about me when people thought I couldn't hear them. I remember my Dad telling me at 12 years old that I'd be so pretty if I lost weight. I'd spend the summers at the neighborhood pool as a child and there were kids there that would call me "butter ball", I remember in gym class being picked last for kick ball because I was overweight...kids were very cruel....

I've always felt like my weight defined who I was because from an early age I was very aware of it. The people around me made me aware that I was different. As I got older the criticism didn't stop. It wasn't the same as being called "butter ball" or "fatty" from other children....it came in the form of rejection from classmates in middle school...people not wanting to be my friend because I was big, guys not paying me any attention in high school and only being my friend to get closer to my prettier/skinny friends, my parents commenting each school year on how big my clothes had gotten. It has been a constant struggle throughout the years just to fit in...just to feel "normal".

As an adult I still struggle with it. There have been times where "friends" have said negative things to me, there have been men who thought they could treat me badly because I was a bigger girl and they thought that I'd just deal with it (obviously mistaken), I go out in public and it's almost as if people are looking through me and not at me....hard to explain that one but unless you've been there you may not quite understand.

I'm not sure what my purpose is with writing this post but I really felt like this is something I needed to get off my chest. People are so quick to judge someone because of how they look but don't take the time to think about how their actions and comments are going to effect that person in the long term. Society forms us all to believe that beautiful is a size 0 but really beauty is only skin deep! I am not perfect and I have many flaws but I am still a person and I have feelings. So, I ask that before you say something mean or negative about how another person looks that you think of me....after all, every one of you that is reading this is either a member of my family or my friend and how would you feel if it were being said about me?

I'm looking forward to surgery and loosing all of this extra weight and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't eager to finally feel like I fit in. I need to get my "pretty" back...I need to get back to where I feel like I belong.

March 1st, 2012

....is my date for surgery!! :)

I have to be at REX at 9:45 and surgery time is 11:45.

I'm so excited and I cannot wait!!!

Sleeping like Darth Vader!

....or at least that's how Jason see's it!

On Monday I went and picked up my c-pap machine and last night was the first night I slept with it and the jury is still out! It wasn't the worst night of sleep I've ever had but it wasn't the best. I'm sure that once I get acclimated to it that it will be better but man it sure was strange being hooked up to that thing!

I'm really looking forward to the benefits of it though and hopeful that I'll get used to it fairly quickly!

On another note, I called my insurance company today to see if my procedure had been authorized and they informed me that I'm good to go. It's approved!

I also set up my last appointment with the surgeon today as well. I have that next Wednesday, February 8th. That is the last appointment that I'll have before I go in for surgery. My doctor will go over all of the results of my pre-op tests and we will schedule a date.

It feels SO good to be able to know that this whole process is almost over and the light at the end of the tunnel is finally approaching!!

Now starts my pre-op diet! High protein, low fat and replacing meals with protein shakes.I think Pinterest is REALLY going to be coming in handy for recipes and ideas!! :)

Sleeeeeepy!

I've been slacking on my posting but geez, things have just been crazy!

I got a call this past Tuesday telling me that my sleep study results came back showing that I was suffering from sleep apnea during the night and that I would have to go back in for another sleep study. So last Friday I went in and was lucky enough to get hooked up to all of the wires again plus a mask. Ohhh boy, that was gonna be the highlight of my week! haha The tech who was working that night was a lot less creepy and seemed to take more time in applying the leads and overall just made it a lot more comfortable for me.

When I was woken up the next morning I was SHOCKED at how much better I felt. It didn't feel like I was in a fog or even sleepy. It was wonderful! Now I'm just waiting on the company to call me to come in and get fitted for my own machine to keep at home. Honestly, I'm really looking forward to getting it and I really hope that I notice a big difference on a daily basis.

Now I'm just waiting on the call from my surgeon's office to set me up with my pre-op appointment to come in and set my date. I hope they call soon because I'm getting sort of anxious and want to have a date already!! :)

My birthday is coming up this weekend and I have a last minute surprise that my best friend, Chris is going to come visit from Oklahoma. His partner got a job out there and they moved in May so it's been quite awhile since I've seen him. I am SO excited! Not only is he coming to visit me for the weekend but he'll be here for my birthday! I couldn't ask for a better birthday present! I'm also looking forward to spending time with my family and friends this weekend.

One last thing I'm looking forward to.....this being the last birthday that I'll be in plus sizes, ever!

Ticker!

Well, great news from both doctors today!


The psychiatrist doesn't think I'm crazy and the cardiologist thinks my ticker is just fine! AMEN! :)


So now I am just waiting for the results to get back to my doctor from the sleep study. Once they get that, everything will be submitted to my insurance company. The nurse said to expect it to take a week for a reply-even though I know it won't take even close to a week. It takes a day or two at the most.


After that is done I'll schedule a pre-op appointment with the surgeon and that's when I'll set a date for the procedure.


I'm so glad to have that all behind me and I'm really looking forward to the next step!!


One step closer to a healthy life! :)

A few bumps

"Nobody said it was going to be easy!" (referring to life)....whoever came up with this was definitely on to something!


I got a call on Tuesday of this past week from the surgeon's office telling me that more of my pre-op test results came back. My vitamin D levels are too low and my EKG came back abnormal.


Ok, not the worse news in the world.


For the vitamin D, they called me in a script for some 50,000 units of vitamin D. (seems like a crazy amount when your used to medications being measured in milligrams and I guess D is measured in units, anywho...) So I'll be taking the vit. D once a week for 8 weeks. It's not going to prevent them from clearing me for the surgery but I will have to be retested once I get a little closer to surgery just to make sure the suppliment is working how it should. They also suggested that I spend more time in the sun.


As far as the EKG goes, they referred me to a cardiologist and my appointment for that is tomorrow (Monday). I'm not too concerned with that for right now because I've heard it's not uncommon for EKG's to come back abnormal...the leads being hooked up wrong, or having a stressful day, etc can throw it out of wack. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it turns out ok and the cardiologist clears me for surgery. I've gone through a lot to get to the point I'm at in this process and I'd be really upset if something like this prevented me from getting it done. But-thankfully I'll know more tomorrow! :)


Monday is going to be sort of busy for me. Thankfully our office's are closed and I have the day off! I have the appointment with the psychiatrist at 10am in Cary. I had originally scheduled this appointment for last week but ended up changing it because I had a nasty sinus infection and stayed home from work. At 1:45 I have my appointment at the cardiologist which is also in Cary. If I'm looking at it right I think both offices are very close to one another so more than likely I'll have plenty of time to kill between them. Perhaps Jason & I can have lunch together since I'll be near his work too! That'd be nice, we never get to do stuff like that since we don't work near each other at all.


Thursday night was the night from H-E-L-L!! And that's me being nice. lol


Thursday I had my sleep study at the sleep clinic in Cary. I worked till 5:45, jumped in the car, headed to Apex to meet Heather for a long over-due dinner date, and headed on over to the office. I had to be there by 8pm. I get there, watch a super cheesy video on sleep apnea, they got my vital signs and sent me back to the room. Told me to go ahead and change into my pj's and they'd come back in around 10 to get me all hooked up to everything. The room looked like a sad attempt at a hotel room. Fairly nuetral, calming paint on the walls, a surprisingly comfortable murphy bed (ya know the beds that fold up into a cabinet or a wall), there was a flat screen on the wall and a large chair. I also had a bathroom w/a shower and such that was as sterile as a hospital. And that's it. haha I thought to myself that they could've at least hung one picture on a wall, but I guess not. ha!


Oh! I forgot, there was also a video camera on the ceiling and an intercom system that would all be activated once they got me hooked up and to "sleep"....because the 15 wires you're about to hook up to my body isn't bad enough-you'll be watching AND listening to me while I sleep. Awesome! lol


Does anyone remember the movie "Mr. Deeds". Do you remember the butler character in the movie? He was sort of creapy and popped up out of no where all the time? ....Enter Tony-the sleep clinic tech who was going to be there all night and the one who would be hooking me up and everything.

I don't need to say any more on that. LOL

So 10pm comes and Tony gets me all wired up and I look like some sort of sick science project. I then got to have the worst night of sleep I've ever had. The longest period of time I slept was for about 2 hours. Then it was tossing and turning all night, sleeping in 5 minute intervals, along with crazy strange dreams, and it ended by being woken up at 5am.

I didn't realize that I'd be getting that little bit of sleep or else I would've taken Friday off work or scheduled it on a Friday night when I didn't have to work the next day.

I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that when the doctor reads the test results that I don't have sleep apnea. If for some reason I do, I'll have to go back to the sleep clinic, get hooked up the exact same way and then have an oxygen mask added to it. Woohoo-that'd for sure be a great time!

All of this preop drama is just about to be over and I'm very glad! I'm ready to move onto the next step and get my date scheduled. I'll be sure to post again within the next few days once I get some answers on things. Keep your fingers crossed for great news!! :)