The Battles

Today marks the 2 month anniversary of my surgery....a total of 10 weeks of weight loss.

46lbs lost...7 inches in my waist gone, 4 inches in my bust and 3 inches in my neck! Another 40lbs and I will be at the weight I was when I was 17 (Yes, if you do the math I was a little over 10lbs away from weighing 300lbs prior to surgery).

I feel wonderful and have had a very easy time with everything. My doctors are pleased with my results and are very encouraging. I had an appointment a few weeks ago and one of the things we talked about was how much I've lost in such a short amount of time. Will (my Dr's PA) said that the amount of weight that I've lost is consistent with someone who's had gastric bypass-which is considered to be more evasive than the gastric sleeve that I had....which produces faster weight loss. He said that it's not a bad thing by any means and that if I keep it up, there's no telling how much weight I'll loose. That made me feel great! It's nice to have encouraging appointments verses appointments where you get fussed at! ;)

So here I am, almost 50lbs lighter....doing great....feeling wonderful....but yet I STILL have major battles to fight....

One of the biggest problems for me at the moment is finding clothes that fit!! People say "Oh, it's a good problem to have"....sure in one sense it is but on the other hand it's a major annoyance. I spent years growing out of my clothes because all I was doing was getting bigger...and now that I'm getting smaller I still have to deal with not being able to find clothes that fit. So, for example...right now, I have one pair of jean capri's that I've been wearing and two pairs of black work pants. As of this last week, the capri's will no longer stay up and I'm constantly pulling on them and my both pairs of my black pants are so big that the crotch hangs down to almost my knees unless I jack them up really high on my waist. It's EXTREMELY annoying and it drives me insane! So, most people would say...."Well, go buy some new pants"....ohh if only it were that easy! I carry most...if not all my excess weight in my stomach...always have...and it seems to run in my family like that. So the problem I have is if it fits me in the waist it HANGS off my thighs/butt. But if it's tight through the thighs/butt it's too small in the waist! I've given thoughts to buying maternity pants since they have the stretch part in the waist and are typically pretty small through the butt/thigh area but I can't seem to find any that don't have that huge panel in the front (ya'll know what I'm talking about! lol)

Another part to this is the financial side. Who's got money to spend on clothes every few weeks? I sure as heck don't! I have saved some things over the years that I used to be able to fit in but I've noticed that my "style" has changed quite a bit. Five years ago I might buy something to wear out to a bar....nowadays the closest I get to a bar is going out to dinner at a restaurant that happens to have a bar in it-lol! Just not appropriate for the lifestyle I live now so most of that has been donated. I've tried the local thrift stores but the issue I explained above seems to haunt me no matter where I go and I can't find anything that fits right. I think with the next 20lbs or so I will have a little easier time because I should hopefully loose a lot more of my "gut"....I just wish it'd hurry up because I can't stand this for much longer!

Here's another battle-attention!....There's been a LOT of attention focused on me lately and I'm not really used to it. When I came back to work after being out for two weeks every person in my office (about 10 people) was standing around just looking at me. Of course, it was all positive and people were very sweet but it's strange....

The year or two prior to my surgery I was in such a funk, I passed on events because I was ashamed of what I looked like (Jason's 10 year reunion, a friends wedding, even my Grandmother's funeral service), I was uncomfortable around my siblings because I thought I was the "ugly fat one". I wasn't worried that people would say things TO me but I was worried that people would say things ABOUT me....or that people would look at Jason and think..."Wow, he could've done better". These were all issues that I had within myself....and no matter what anyone said, I still felt ugly and ashamed. Now that I've lost some weight I'm starting to come to grips with a lot of that and I feel better about myself. But for so long I did so much to not bring attention to myself that now it's hard to deal with everyone doting over me. I must say, I have a coworker who had gastric bypass done last fall and she looks AMAZING and I say stuff to her a lot about how great she looks-so I'm guilty too! I know it's all out of excitement for me and encouragement but it's still hard to come to terms with.

The last battle that I want to write about is support. I have been extremely blessed with a plethera of people in my life who are my biggest cheerleaders. Friends, family members and coworkers have all been a wonderful support system for me and I am very thankful for each and every one of you that have been there and continue to be there for me throughout this journey!! Jason has been my rock and for him I am so thankful!

There have also been a handful of people that have not been very supportive. People who are rude when my weight loss has come up, or those that feel as if I "cheated". I won't point out names but there are a few of you who I know are reading this that have said negative and/or rude things to me. I just want to remind people that my decision to do this was MY OWN and if you don't like it, well, the issue is with you and not me. Having this surgery was one of the best decisions I ever made-next to moving to NC probably THE best decision I have ever made. I am happy and I feel better than I have in a long time....and if you're my friend(s)....shouldn't you be happy for me too?

I'm going to try to get a little better about posting updates. I feel the need to write sometimes and I think, oh! That'd be great for my blog...but then life takes over and I completely forget! The next two months or so are going to be extremely busy-baby showers, graduations, birthdays and visits out of town but we're ready! Bring on the craziness! :)